Disclaimer: Rambling mode is on. If you don't want to read anything emo, pointless, senseless and utterly self-indulgent, just look away.All around me are familiar faces. Worn out places, worn out faces. Bright and early for their daily races. Going nowhere, going nowhere. And their tears are filling up their glasses. No expression, no expression. Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow. No tomorrow, no tomorrow.For the past few days I find myself once again weaving in and out of familiar old feelings. It’s like living a non-life. As I wake up in the morning, I can’t find a good enough reason to get up and face the day. And when I do succeed in dragging myself to where I’m supposed to be, there begins another sickening routine where I trudge along, seemingly okay on the outside, but not quite deep inside. The day has barely started and I'm already wishing for it to end.
Something’s just wearing me out and I feel as if I’m worn out too thin. And I know it’s affecting my efficiency (was I ever efficient?) and functions at work (I think I’ve been malfunctioning for months now) negatively. As usual, befuddled old me can’t point a finger to what it is that’s bugging me. I try to be unfazed by it all and I may be succeeding because nobody notices. But as the day ends, I find myself slumping back down into the dumps again.
And I find it kind of funny. I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. I find it hard to tell you 'cos I find it hard to take. When people run in circles. It's a very, very Mad World
Maybe I'm just bored. Or maybe I’m just tired of it all: the same places, the same faces, the same things. Or maybe I’m disillusioned, yet again. They say that disillusionment refers to the feeling that arises from the discovery that something is not what it was anticipated to be.
Maybe that’s it – this isn't the life I envisioned I would have five or ten years ago.
But then again, what exactly did I imagine my life would be? Did I consciously will this kind of life into reality or this is exactly what I'm supposed to be living and I can't do anything about it? Where will all this lead, then? Am I taking the right path and at the right direction? Can I get myself out of this rut soon? Am I just wasting my time? And when I finally wake up from this stupor will I be regretting all that lost time?
Art by Vladstudio
8 comments:
mad world... tears for fears... one of my most faves... anyway, der r really tyms lyk this... just remember, at tyms lyk dis, u nid a juicy...:)) just trying to put a smyl on ur face! sariously, u'l find enuf reason to face d world... trust me!:->
yeah, i know the feeling. i do emphatize...
same here dex... been in the bumps over and over too...sometimes it's really hard to get up from the rut we find ourselves in... don't throw your hand, when your day is night hold on..just hang in there k?
^^thanks! :)
Funny, I just wrote an entry and asked 'Do you ever feel like re-inventing yourself?'.
Along the same lines.
i just read this post now, and i'm quite surprised after reading it..padi, is this really u? it's just that im not used to reading personal blogs from u..
but anyways, hope ur ok now and has overcome such feeling...i just feel sad that we no longer talk about personal probs lately, and am no longer the "ate" who's very supportive and a good listener to you 'coz am too preoccupied with my own personal problems..
anyway, if u need me, am just right here..i'll gonna bring a big smile on your face...
@phoebe thank you!! yeah, you have your own problems too and I do hope you will overcome them and emerge a winner, not a loser. :-)
now i know why sometimes you just don't want a conversation or avoiding too much of it... don't worry you're not alone on that road, many of us are with you... you know, we are your "alalays" :)
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