A Grammatically-challenged Love Story

This one cracked me up. Haha. Props to whoever wrote this piece of sh*t, though some of the boo-boos are already a bit gasgas. Found it on Inquirer.net, of all places. Read it, you'll love it! Chona will be so proud.

We've been friends since a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realize that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya!

And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I take your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if I'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, "The!" Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, “Isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky.” Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now we're so in love! Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running out the time.

After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you married me?" I'm still in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo naman, when its rain, it's really fours talaga! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, Isaid yes. Love is a many splendor, di ba?

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss... The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still too on.

So I told her, "Whatever is that means, cut me some slacks, ‘no!" I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. The nerd talaga! Ats if! I don't never want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell her to the marines! I told her, "Please, you should to mine your own business!"

Who would believed her anyway? Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore. Hmphf. Tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies! I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's out of our lives."

Kaya I advised you - take the risk! You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, well, just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.

*Update: There's a sequel! Got this from my colleague, Olops, again. Haha. Read after the jump.

I thought Jay’s ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven only goes that I was wrong. Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay received a uninamous text. “Meet me at the clinic”. I had a stinking feeling in my butt. I told him not to go. It might in danger him. Pero sabi niya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang ako. Sabi niya, Penny for you talks? But I didn’t know what to say. Beggars can’t be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl yun. Jay said, Can’t got your tongue?? I tried to smile at him. Kahit di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?

Be that as is may, umalis pa rin siya. I was out of the loophole. After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on Jeff’s ears. Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn’t even know Jeff. Sabi na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That’s what I’m talking about it.

So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That’s what friends are for naman di ba? But I just faced a blank mall. I had to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug down rate. When I got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di basta-basta makakapasok. So I said, I beg your cordon. I’m patient. It’s my favorite virtue nga e.? Nagduda yata yung isang guard. Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, Don’t touch me not! Buti na lang the other guards were nice and said, Come on, let’s join us.

When I went inside, parang I’ve been there, done there. Nung walang nakatingin, nag-explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and I had a bird’s IQ of the clinic. I could not explain it but I was drawn to a room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.

Parang may narinig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis ba ako o papasukin ko. It made me stick in the stomach to think that Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower my expectations. But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse’s mouth. I barraged in. O my gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was bleeding. At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend niya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko napatunayang blood is thicker than Walter.

Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero I was able to search and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun. Now, he’s recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin. I know it’s a better pill to swallow your pride so it’s forgive and forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put on makeup.

Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms persist, insult your doctor.