For all these years, our mental image of Mother Teresa is this little woman bent with age but always smiling and lovingly taking care of the sick, the dying and the ‘poorest of the poor’. She was hailed as ‘the living saint’. Who knew that behind that was a suffering person in agony because of the ‘darkness’ and ‘loneliness’ in her heart and the ‘absence’ of God in her life. For all her successes and all the worldly accolades given to her, Mother Teresa was lonely and felt forsaken by her God, confessing to her superiors how she suffered from ‘spiritual dryness’ even as late as 1995, two years before her death.
Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love - and now become as the most hated one - the one - You have thrown away as unwanted - unloved. I call, I cling, I want - and there is no One to answer - no One on Whom I can cling - no, No One. - Alone ... Where is my Faith - even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness - My God - how painful is this unknown pain - I have no Faith - I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart - & make me suffer untold agony.
So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them - because of the blasphemy - If there be God - please forgive me - When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven - there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. - I am told God loves me - and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the Call of the Sacred Heart? - Mother Teresa, addressed to Jesus, at the suggestion of a confessor, undated
I am humbled because I have also found myself wallowing in my own darkness and loneliness, also questioning God’s providence. And yet I am not really the religious type and I confess I would be aptly described as one of the ‘nominal’ Catholics – only by name, but not in actions or convictions. If Mother Teresa suffered countless years of doubts, anxieties, feelings of abandonment and darkness, I realize my own feelings of worthlessness and loneliness are nothing compared to what she must have felt. Then, who am I to complain and question God whenever I feel down and out, or when things don’t turn out right?
Somehow, it is comforting to know that doubt and anxiety are a natural part of everyone’s life, even that of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta. But what is truly inspiring is how Mother Teresa managed to spend more than 50 years of her life dedicated to serving the 'poorest of the poor' in the filthiest and vilest places on Earth. And she did all that while suffering intensely deep within.
She is indeed a Saint.
5 comments:
Hi! This post is what I need now. I mean, I've been experiencing lately what mother teresa was experiencing in that uhm confession thingy. It's good to know that this kind of feelings, loneliness, unworthiness and doubts with the Lord are normal part/phase of Christian life.
I mean, a while ago I asked for comfort from my special friend & well reality hit me that he mentioned that I go to mass every sunday.. but ang nipis ng faith ko. "shame on me".
yeah well.. it's hard to say to step out of d shadow..
sorry for the long comment.
thanks for the post though :)
Her 'crisis of faith' will even bring her closer to the masses, as the people can identify more with her. She is such an inspiration and though she experienced some doubts at some point, she still continued to trust the Lord. We have our own personal battles, and crisis of faith is just one of those. Mother Teresa shows that we can overcome that..
@owen. Exactly. These revelations didn't make Blessed M. Teresa less than holy in my opinion. She became more human. We always think of Saints as people with absolute and unwavering faith in God, which kind of separatesthem from the rest of us in a way.
But Blessed M. Teresa is definitely one of us - she had intense doubts, anxieties and fears too, just like all of us.
@shaulaOpink. I'm glad my simple post helped you in some way. Thanks for taking the time to read. :-)
This only proves that faith is not a very reliable measure of truth. Faith is not as precise and infallible as the basic laws of physics or math axioms. Faith is subjective and can be totally wrong. However, if faith results to something positive, then it is worthy of respect. On the other hand, if faith results only to blind fanaticism such as demontrated by the so-called muhajeden, then, faith is something that should be condemned.
i do believe that faith and truth are two distinct things, that faith will not necessarily means truth, imho faith is a belief in something that may not require the validation of facts.simply put, that is why its called 'faith'..=)
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